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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23521351">We're Not Ashes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGhost/pseuds/ButterflyGhost'>ButterflyGhost</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Walking Dead (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:20:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>819</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23521351</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGhost/pseuds/ButterflyGhost</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Carol loves Daryl and Daryl loves Carol. It doesn't mean they can be a couple - unless they're a couple already. Neither one knows. It's complicated.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Daryl Dixon/Carol Peletier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Well, that was stupid.</em> Carol hugs herself, embarassed. Thank goodness it's dark and Daryl didn't see her blushing. She'd laughed it off, but more to spare his feelings than her own. Too late for that anyway. It's obvious he doesn't feel about her that way, so why did she push it? <em>'You want to fool around?'</em> What a thing to ask. Stupid. <em>Stupid</em>. She should know by now he's not interested in fooling around. She's just not his type, that much is obvious. Maybe it's the grey hair. If Carol had ever felt attractive then Ed beat it out. No wonder Daryl's not interested. Sure, he seems to care for her, maybe even love her in a way, but...</p><p>She had had a moment's hope when he layed his hand on her shoulder, a flutter at the touch, and then when he massaged the aching muscle she felt a sudden spike of certainty that she'd read him wrong; maybe he did feel for her the way she felt for him.</p><p>Well, anyway. She was wrong.</p><p>But still. It was such an <em>intimate</em> thing to do, especially from Daryl, who has  always been so curiously chivalrous around her, despite his rough manners and appearance. But then she made that stupid comment. She opened her stupid mouth and Daryl froze, muttered an excuse and made his way back to the others.</p><p><em>Stupid woman. Dumb bitch.</em> Carol knows that is Ed's voice in her head, but she can't stop it. She waits it out until her eyes stop prickling. After a moment she turns and watches Daryl, where he is sitting with the others. </p><p>
  <em>Thank God it's dark.</em>
</p><p>She wonders if he is blushing too.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Well, that was dumb. </em>Daryl's sitting on the edge of the group by the fire, ignoring their chatter as he watches the flames. He's disgusted by himself. That's nothing new. Merl and his father were right. They were pricks, sure, but nobody knows him better than they did. He's a fuck up. A total fucking loser. How did he not see it coming? Of <em>course</em> Carol was going to take it the wrong way. She's not like him, she's a properly functioning human being after all. A man massages a woman's back, of course she's going to think he means something else.</p><p>It wouldn't just be lust from her though. It's not like she doesn't already love him. He knows that much, like he knows he loves her - not that he'd ever say it. The world's fucked up to shit already. He's lost enough already that he doesn't need to jinx things even more with stupid words like love.</p><p>And it is a stupid word, especially coming from him. Love means something different to regular folk. Not hearts and flowers, which is just bullshit. Who believes that cupid crap anyway? Nah, regular folks use that shit for code and say 'love' when they mean sex. Nothing as practical as love. Love is keeping your 'someone' safe, making sure their boots keep out the water, making sure they're fed and protecting them from walkers. Sex is just a mess - touch and taste, knowing when to push, pull, clutch, let go. Looks more like a fight than love. And unlike a fight it's nothing useful, nothing real. Nothing he's interested in anyway. It's a waste of time, just moving your body against somebody for the sake of not being alone. He's always been alone anyway, even here at the edge of the fire while the others talk. He doesn't have a problem with that.</p><p>At least, he didn't. Right now though? He has this empty feeling in his chest, like he's hungry only higher up. And yeah, he's wishing Carol could be his 'someone' to be alone with.</p><p><em>Never gonna happen.</em> He'd have to give her something. He knows that. He knows she wants sex, like any normal human being, but he can't, just can't. He's a screw up, that's all. He's loved a few people in his life, wanted to be attracted to them - it just never happened. It's not how he works. He had a friend once, tried to 'fix' him. Thought it was because Daryl was ashamed of his scars. It's not his scars.</p><p>The friendship ended badly.</p><p>Daryl knows deep in his marrow that he would have been like this even if he'd grown up behind a white picket fence going to Sunday school and - uh - shit, what did kids like that even do before the walkers? Whatever. He was always going to be a freak whether his Dad pounded on him or not. It's just who he is.</p><p>He looks across the fire and sees Carol returning from the hill. He knows that they will never talk about this again. He thinks she'll relax and let it go.</p><p>He hopes so. Because at the end of the world it's good to have a friend.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My first Walking Dead fic. I will be updating as I continue to binge watch the series. Written during a bout of insomnia. No beta. Anyone interested in helping a new fan girl out?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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